May 102017
 

In the hyper-awareness that comes with loss, quite a few bittersweet moments have embossed themselves on my heart and memory. Snapshots of love, grief, and faith, gathered over the last two weeks.

Sacred Bittersweet Moments

Our minds record touching, bittersweet moments more vividly than a camera could.

I thought the dearly departed would have enjoyed some of them, were he watching. Perhaps he was. My insights aren’t unique, I’m sure. Such bittersweet moments happen in families all the time. But I found comfort in writing them down. Considering them together, I realize that they tell a story that is as much about the departed as those he left behind.

I hope that by my sharing them, you’ll record a few of your own.

Sacred sounds

A pastor’s voice cracking, tears streaming down her face, as she pronounced, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Uttering the words, “His blood, shed for you,” siblings assume their father’s stewardship of the tiny church, assisting the pastor.

A granddaughter’s solo, poignant yet familiar, fills the space.

Throughout the tables crowded with people, white bread sandwiches and mayonnaise-based salads, laughter rings out in the midst of tears.

Intimate, Bittersweet Moments

The widow greets her recently widowed brother-in-law by her husband’s casket. Supported by cane and walker, their heads bend, foreheads resting against one another, tears flowing in shared loss. Others, turn tactfully away, granting them privacy in a crowd.

Ninety-two-year-old sister-in-law dips the bread in the chalice, intinction-style, then selects a communion cup of wine from the tray, taking it with her to her seat. Silent laughter through prayers and tears.

Grandchildren

Cousins hug. Standard distance that accompanies re-acquaintance dissolved in shared shock. Resolute. Wet-eyed. Comforting each other, laughing together, through the tears.

Six young adult grandchildren spread the funeral pall—symbol of the resurrection—over the casket together, with help from the six-year old great grandchild. Somber under their mantle as earthly evidence of his legacy of love and family.

Then, with the two youngest in the lead, the grandchildren move the casket to the chancel, ushering their beloved grandfather to the gates of heaven.

After the service, grandchildren slip flowers out of their gardner-grandfather’s funeral blanket, transferring them to their great-grandparents’ stone, giving homage to ancestors whose memories have faded, yet still transcend.

Great-grand child selecting yet another stone to grace with a flower, because it might make someone happy. Hugs, smiles and laughter through the tears.

Roles shifting

Widow, now matriarch, offers to pay for dinner. Grandchildren confer, then cough up tens and twenties. Provider becomes the protected.

Grandsons and their uncles, awkwardly making their way through the grass and grave markers, struggling with the weight of their burden. Carrying the load. Together.

Grandson occupies the driver’s seat, ready to chauffeur his grandmother to the grave-side service, accidentally pops the hood. Laughter, through our tears.

Afterwards

Café tables pulled together and food and beverages shared, loved ones sit, heads together in small groups, telling stories they’ve all told and heard before. Laughter through the tears.

Helpful offspring, stripping beds, not realizing their siblings had already done the same. Laughter, despite the heaviness of heart.

A solitary face in the window, waving goodbye.

His gifts of faith, family, storytelling, and laughter keep giving.

Your Turn:

Can you tell a story through the description of a few poignant or bittersweet moments? I’d love to see what you come up with.

Apr 122017
 

Though poignant, stories of forgiveness can be difficult to write. Stories of Forgiveness graphicThey call for us to reveal the dark times of our relationships with our family, friends, or even faith. Telling heartfelt stories of forgiveness push us even further than the proverbial long honest look in the mirror. They require us to admit to the world what the reflection revealed.

Stories of Forgiveness

Perhaps because of forgiveness’ elusiveness or our own limited ability to harness its power, stories of forgiveness make for compelling reading.  If you doubt their popularity, just do a Google search.  Readers’ Digest, Real Simple, and The Huffington Post all offer compilations of stories of forgiveness, as does The Forgiveness Project. Continue reading »

Apr 042017
 

As a newly minted Legacy Republic consultant, I seized on the opportunity at RootsTech 2017 to get to know the company’s leadership better. Legacy Republic Logo (Disclosure: I’m a Legacy Maker or consultant. As such I receive financial compensation from orders placed through me or my personal Legacy Republic site. That said, I believe in Legacy Republic’s mission and services. They are the reason I joined.)

During Rootstech2016, Legacy Republic’s president Brian Knapp was busy unveiling their new Studio scanner, the 2nd place winner in the Innovator Summit.  This year, things were a little less hectic. However, Brian was no less enthusiastic about the company’s mission. In addition, he had time to explain Legacy Republic’s commitment to helping family historians tell stories.

View the interview below to hear more about how Legacy Republic helps family storytellers highlight the moments that matter.

Interview

Legacy Republic and Storytelling

Sharleen Reyes, the company’s VP of Marketing impressed me as well. She took time to sit with me and give me insight into how Legacy Republic translates their mission into a marketing strategy. Sharleen isn’t what my former life in international business would have lead me to expect out of a VP of Marketing.  She’s unpretentious, open to new ideas, and has a mile-wide creative streak.

She doesn’t believe in scare tactics.  Though it’s true that media is degrading, particularly VHS media, Legacy Republic frowns on scaring customers into getting every linear foot of video and film in the house digitized.  The mission is to get important memories out of closets and to share them with family.

Which is why, Sharleen explains, Legacy Republic prefers the person-to-person relationship model rather than a traditional sales force.  In fact, Legacy Republic trains their Legacy Makers to back away from “selling.” Instead, they are coached to simply help customers and trust that sales opportunities will develop organically—or not—out of trusted relationships.

Choosing the Moments that Matter

Which moments matter?

A case in point of posed versus un-posed photos. Of course, on the left is the question of why my mom would have cut my bangs so short before a formal portrait. However, the photo on the right portrays a more typical story of how my sister entertained herself sticking her finger in my ear. And why I didn’t seem to mind.

Sharleen and Brian gave a presentation at RootsTech on choosing those moments that matter.  In it, they stressed that the moments that matter are not necessarily the ones in which everyone wears in coordinated outfits and stands in front of an attractive backdrop. It might not even be the one with perfect focus and composition. Rather, they’re the ones that express a moment of personalities and relationships. The ones that give rise to stories. That’s a valuable takeaway for storytellers.

Your Turn:

There are stories lurking in your closets. Look back at media—still or film or video—and choose a couple of ones that have stories which flow from them.  Now go tell those stories!

Mar 102017
 

TapGenes, Tap Genes Logo an application that helps families compile their health information, won the 2016 RootsTech Innovator Summit. Last month, I caught up with CEO Heather Holmes to see what difference a year makes.

Our Interview


(In case you’re wondering, I am not affiliated with TapGenes. I just like the platform. Much of TapGenes is free to use.)

How TapGenes Helps Families Tell their Stories

TapGenes explains that they use “the idea of “crowdsourcing” to help “families create a more complete and accurate family medical history, together.” That little word “together” isn’t an after-thought. As families accumulate information, they have conversations about what they know.  Not only does this help inform all members of the family, it also fosters honest conversations, a key to preventing important health topics from getting swept under the rug. (See Why You Should Tell Health Stories)

Despite all the fanfare about genetic testing, the information already known to your family provides crucial information for doctors. Think about it, before you even see a doctor, you fill out forms about your own and family health history. Unfortunately, a lot of us can’t remember everything in that 10 minutes during which scribble on the forms as we wait to see the doctor. The website is HIPAA compliant so it’s a safe way to accumulate data

You can also fill out your own information, then opt to share it with family members. Perhaps knowing that you suffer from borderline-diabetes or anxiety and depression will make other family members more comfortable sharing their own or taking actions to treat those conditions.

Assessing your risk

In addition to assembling family health information, TapGenes wants to help “families connect the dots between their known risks and … discover where they can impact and influence better health. One way they do that is through questionnaires that assist with risk assessment. Throughout these Q&As, TapGenes weaves in advice regarding life-style choices, such as taking multi-vitamins, exercise, and alcohol consumption.

The ability to change the ending of your story

TapGenes Risk Assessment

Wow. Time for some better self-care and that check-up I’ve been putting off.

My colon cancer risk assessment surprised me.  It also forced me to be honest with myself.

I think of myself as active, but my exercise is on a weekly basis, not daily.  Clicking through the friendly interview, I had to admit the multi-vitamins are nearing their expiration date in the kitchen drawer and that the closest I come to taking a vitamin D supplement is using whole vitamin D enriched milk in my coffee. And it didn’t even ask me about that polyp they found at the last colonoscopy and how long it’s been since I had a follow-up.

By making me a little uncomfortable, TapGenes reminds me that I have an opportunity to influence how that story ends.

Upgraded Membership

All of the above is available under TapGenes free subscription. However, their upgraded membership includes unlimited documents and access to their genetic section and pharmacogenetics alerts.

If you’d like to join me in trying that out, Heather is offering TreasureChestofMemories.com readers a 50% discount on the upgraded membership (from $79 to $39 for a one year subscription).  After signing up for a free account, use the code (treasurechest50) to get the promotional discount for the premium account.

 

Mar 062017
 

When we’re writing our family’s history, we tend to skip over the family health stories.

EKG family health Stories

Have you written about your own or family health stories? Image adapted from “EKG Komplex” by Shizhao, licensed under Creative Commons 2.0 Germany

With the exceptions of gory accidents or war injuries, health—or lack of it—gets a subtle billing. It often only rates a simple note of what the attending physician scrawled on a death certificate.

I get it. War stories, including injuries, inspire the imagination. Plus, they possess a certain valor. We’re far removed from a society in which all able-bodied men were expected to serve. And, train-wreck stories rivet us. We’re wired that way. Maybe it’s so we have that “I’m so glad it didn’t happen to me” feeling. Continue reading »

Feb 212017
 

A keynote speaker at RootsTech’s first-ever African Heritage Day, LeVar Burton taught us about storytelling and reaching hearts and minds. By the end, he also had us all reaching for tissues.

LeVar Burton Taught Us about storytelling

During his keynote address at RootsTech, LeVar Burton taught us about storytelling. Photo courtesy of Edgar Gomez

This isn’t another report on my fabulous time at the RootsTech genealogy conference. It’s a testimony on how great storytelling can change perspectives. I just hope I can do it justice. Continue reading »

Feb 022017
 
Divided households picture of torn photo of house

Does your family story include issues which divided households?

Throughout time, people have disagreed with the people they love. Issues of childrearing, money, faith, culture, religious practices and politics have, on occasion, divided households and hardened hearts. You might immediately think of the present political environment, but this isn’t the first time in history that issues have created emotional schisms among family members and friends

Sometimes, if the animosity has been put to rest, it’s best to leave the story alone like the proverbial sleeping dog. There’s nothing to be gained from revisiting and possibly re-igniting tensions. Continue reading »

Nov 172016
 
Research and memoir

Whether it’s online or in the library stacks, research and memoir belong together.

Do research and memoir belong together? Counter intuitive as it sounds, the answer is yes.  Though it is true that memoir involves writing about the episodes of your past that already exist in your memory, research can enhance your story.  Adding researched details from the past can bring your story alive for your readers.

Working with family historians writing their ancestor’s stories brings this home. They not only provide the meticulously researched (and cited) facts for readers. When they write about their ancestors, they often include a rich background of historical and social context.  They don’t do this to fill in the gaps between facts. They use their research to help their readers visualize the events of the past. Continue reading »

Jun 162016
 
Truth and Accuracy scrabble tiles

How do you deal with the elusiveness of truth and accuracy in memories and family stories?

The fallibility of memory can make truth and accuracy hard to come by. Competing versions of the same stories—the same memories—dance and whorl around family tables every get together. One person remembers it was a Sunday in July. A sibling insists it was in October and a Sunday.

How do you decide which version is true? What details are accurate? Perhaps a better question is how do you decide if the details of the story are worth fighting about.

Often the answer lies in understanding the difference between truth and accuracy as well as your own role as storyteller.

Truth versus Accuracy Continue reading »

May 192016
 
 Fathers' Day Ideas illustrated by my husband

Since this guy is notoriously hard to buy for, I’m always searching for more meaningful Fathers’ Day Ideas.

Is it just me, or are fathers more difficult to buy for than mothers?  I’m always short of fathers’ day ideas. My husband has a box in the bedroom with yet-to-be-used gifts he’s received.  He claims he appreciates all of them, but I’m always searching for more meaningful gifts, particularly those that will bring precious memories alive.

Spending Time with Dad

Making memories trump recalling memories.  First and foremost, focus on those gifts and ideas that you can look back on with fondness in years to come.  Bonus points if you can do something that will evoke memories of the father in question’s own childhood adventures with his dad.  Going fishing or hiking. Building something in the workshop. Perhaps instead of making a craft for dad, the kids can make a craft with dad on Fathers’ Day.

Memory Gifts

Fathers' Day Handprint In addition to those mentioned in 4 Ways to Share Memories with Dad, I’ve marked some great memory related Fathers’ Day ideas on my Fathers’ Day Ideas Pinterest Board. One that really struck a chord with me was carrotsareorange.com’s idea of “Our Little Book of Experiences,” a creative take on the ubiquitous coupon book. You can fill this one with memories of great moments spent with dad or promises of future quality time together.

In many offices, desk space is at a premium. I particularly like Shutterfly’s customized smart-phone case, which doesn’t require Dad to give up precious desk-top real estate.  Photobooks are also always well-received. Consider filling one with photos of Dad’s success at his hobby, such as finished wood-working projects, his garden in full-bloom, or photos of him coaching little league.

Preserve Your History with Dad

Topping my list of Fathers’ Day Ideas is preserving your history with your father, and Story Corps presents a wonderful opportunity to do just that. Founded to increase understanding through audio interviews, their mobile booth travels around the country recording moving conversations. They’ve also launched a Story Corps smartphone app. The app features the same meaningful question prompts and, like the official booths, uploads interviews to the Library of Congress.

Grandpa Fathers’ Day Ideas

You don’t want to get me started about how hard it is to find a present for my father-in-law. He doesn’t want for much. If he does want something, he goes out and buys it.  Now that he and my mother-in-law have down-sized, they don’t want “clutter.”  So, gift card it is….

Give your difficult-to-buy-for dad or granddad a piece of their family history. You can use FamilySearch.org or your library’s edition of Ancestry.com to make him a starter pedigree chart. And, rude as it sounds, you can give your dad a DNA test.  Not to confirm paternity, mind you, but to give him an insight into his heritage.

Want More Fathers’ Day Ideas?

Your Turn

What was your favorite Fathers’ Day gift? Have any other memory-related or memorable Fathers’ Day Ideas?  Please leave your thoughts.